It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
