Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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