I'm gonna have a badass scar
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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