I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
