No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Holy shit dude........stairs
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