I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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