Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
