I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
