Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
