Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
