My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
