lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
