I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
