Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
