I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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