"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
