david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
