Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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