Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
