she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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