and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
