I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
