It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i think my cat just said my name.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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