Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
