When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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