Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
