Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
