There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
