Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
