Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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