i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
