I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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