last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize