You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
