what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
