I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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