mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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