my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
