She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
