In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize