i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
