guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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