I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
