I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
