I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
