morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
