I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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