I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's Friday. Sex?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
