All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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