it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
