I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
