Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
