very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
