That's intense
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
