Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
