I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
