Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
