Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
