Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
