A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
