someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
