Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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