see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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