Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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