I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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