:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
