you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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