3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Still dying that you shit outside
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
