I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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