They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
